Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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