it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
