The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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