Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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