My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
