Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
there is puke in my bra ... again
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