she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
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On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
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Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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