fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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