Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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