You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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