Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
