Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
