It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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