Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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