i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
