well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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