I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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