Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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