If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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