Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
