I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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