I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I did not marry a roomba.
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