so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
