At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
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Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
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FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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