At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
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