I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
And then my night got REAL pukey
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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