Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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