So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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