that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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