I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
it was like his penis was on wheels.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
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