im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
