I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
