dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
The beers last night were like the tears from god
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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