saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
