He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
