dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I just googled if crying burns calories
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
