It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
