It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
