Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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