She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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