Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
so let's talk penis.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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