i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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