my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
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I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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