you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
