Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I need a beard to bite.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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