My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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