I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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