i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
