your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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