Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
