who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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