My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
