Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
