Pappa wants mamma naked
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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