What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
