I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I supernannyed him into submission
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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