I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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