HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
what day is it and did you see me today?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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