so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
