med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
