You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
