I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I forget how to act sober
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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