so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
