I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
