He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
