5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Someone shattered a urinal.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
