im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
