my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
