saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
