If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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