I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
