Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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