I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I touched a dick in church today
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
