I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
cat food counts as protein by the way
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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