The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
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