and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I wish there were birth control emojis
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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